First time for everything
everything:One Sunday, soon after Jake had gone home, I was so excited to be going to the most exclusive bar in Sydney, with views of the bridge and Opera house, countrless celebrities and, of course, hundreds of beautiful m en and woman. I had always wanted to go and see what all the fuss was about, and jumped at the chance when Ben said he had been given a free table for the day. Although I tried to forgot all about my guilt for the time being, I knew things could not carry on and the pressure to make a decision about what I really wanted was overwhelming.
everything:Ben, of course, started numerous fights and arguments that day but managed to always stay one step ahead of the bar staff or bouncers by handing out $50 or $100 notes here, there and everywhere. At the end of the night, after a huge argument with one of the bar staff, Ben walked over to the bar and started to ‗line up‘ (if anyone doesn‘t know what that means, like I didn‘t until the age of thirty, it means a line of cocaine!), in front of hundreds of people, four lines on the bar. He was so relaxed and cool that at first people just stared, I guess not believing their eyes. Then he rolled up a $100 note and snorted a line of cocaine right in front of the huge crowd that had formed. He then called m e over. The whole bar turned to watch me, and I felt like a celebrity. Although every bone in my body scream ed at me not to do it, to pretend I didnt know him and to just walk away, I ignore d all common sense and walked up to the bar, took the $100 note and snorted my very first line of cocaine ever.
everything:The crowd immediately start screaming and applauding, and although I wasn‘t even sure if I had done it correctly, the biggest smile appeared on my face, despite the absolutely hideous taste that had dropped down right in the back of my throat! I totally forgot that I was just some small town girl faking it in this huge f**kedup fake world. Ben then scream ed for one of his friends to come and do the third line, but just as she was about to snort it, the bar manager ran over, screaming blue murder, and wiped the remaining lines onto the floor. As the bar manager, and rightly so, screamed and shouted at us, telling us to get out his bar and that he would lose his license, I began to get a dreaded feeling in the pit of my stomach.
everything:As the reality of the situation hit that they would have had cam eras recording us, I hurried Ben and his friends out of the bar. As we walked along the road, Ben didn‘t seem too worried and was somewhat infatuated with the crowd that began to follow us, continually cheering and shouting. At the end of road, thankfully Ben had a driver waiting for us in a four -wheel drive Mercedes. As Ben jumped in the front seat, three of his friends crowed into the back seat. Ben gestured for me to get in too, and so I squeezed myself in tightly on the back seat. Just as I was about to close the door a fifth man literally jumped on top of m e and drunkenly lay across us all. I was in fits of giggles at how many people were in the car just as the police pull ed up alongside us. My heart sank, and the urge to throw up was overwhelming. For the first time in my life, I was arrested.
Now that probably should n‘t have com e as a shock to me at all, after everything that had happened in the previous two years, but for some unknown reason, while Ben and his friends screamed and
everything:shouted at the police, I was silently bewildered by what was happening and didn‘t cry or beg or even talk to the police. There was an eerie silence that stayed with me for the next twelve hours as I was questioned over and over again. I guess, deep down, since the day I met Ben, I had known that day would come, and because I had lived in his world for so long I had unwittingly become both immune and numb to it. At the time I knew that it was best if I just kept quiet, as I knew way too much, but looking back I think the police thought the exact opposite; that I innocently knew nothing at all.
everything:When I woke up the next morning in a police cell I didn‘t feel the terror I really should have felt, or the terror I would have felt if I had done something so stupid only two years previously. Instead , I felt calm. I had done something that was totally out of character, totally unlike me, but for some reason , I felt like everything was going to be ok. Like I was sort of done with that world, at least for the time being. I had given it my all, and in turn had had some of the best times of my life and met people that I knew I would always be friends with, but I was exhausted. I knew I had no intention of repeating my latest mistake, and after both Ben and I were rel eased without charge, I cam e to the realisation that I was thirty-three years old, and it was more than likely time to leave Sydney and head back to the UK before I end ed up in rehab.
Dear past, thank you for your lessons. Dear future, I am ready.‘ — Unknown.